Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

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To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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You might be an engineer if:

1)You have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2)You enjoy pain.
3)You know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
4)You chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force”.
5)You’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
6)It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
7)You frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver”.
8)You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
9)You think in “math”.
10)You’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
11)You hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.
12)You have a pet named after a scientist.
13)You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
14)The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger’s Cat experiment.
15)You can translate English into Binary.
16)You can’t remember what’s behind the door in the engineering building which says “Exit”.
17)You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.
18)You are completely addicted to caffeine.
19)You avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
20)You consider ANY non-engineering course “easy”.
21)When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
22)The “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
23)You’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.
24)The blinking 12:00 on someone’s VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.
25)You bring a computer manual / technical journal as vacation reading.
26)The salesperson at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions.
27)You can’t help eavesdropping in computer stores… and correcting the salesperson.
28)You’re in line for the guillotine… it stops working properly… and you offer to fix it.
29)You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.
30)You have any “Dilbert” comics displayed in your work area.
31)You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
32)You have never backed up your hard drive.
33)You haven’t bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
34)You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
35)You think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they didn’t get enough sleep.
36)You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
37)You’ve even calculated how much you make per second.
38)Your favorite James Bond character is “Q,” the guy who makes the gadgets.
39)You understood more than five of these jokes.
40)You make a copy of this list, and post it on your door (or your home page !)

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The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn’t teach:

10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.

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Top 14 reasons to date an engineer:

14. We are trained to do it right the first time
13. We are used to all nighters
12. We are always willing to experiment
11. We know how to decrease and increase friction
10. We know all about heat transfer
9. We do it with more torque
8. We can wire your circuits
7. Free body diagrams
6. Potential for smart children
5. Engineering couples have better moments
4. We know how to deal with stress and strain
3. We know it’s not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force
2. “Lubrication, Friction and Wear” is actually a class
1. The world DOES revolve around us….we pick the coordinate system

This is my little corner in the big cloud. I am a Lecturer at Roehampton University in London, United Kingdom. On this blog I will usually post computer related material with a small focus on my other interests like photography and travelling. In the main sections you will find links and papers on a variaty of subjects, from Linux to Virtual Machines to Information Security. There is also a focus on mathematics from some work done during my undergraduate degree and now continuinng during my Post Graduate studies. I hope you enjoy my blog, and please, feel free to leave comments if something interests you (or doesn’t!).

Please use the CONTACT page to send me an email

Jon