Jonathan Arbib

Tag: geek

/. stories…

by on Nov.06, 2009, under Tech Junk

A: Large Hadron Collider. Now THAT’S a weapon of mass destruction.
B: But would you be able to smuggle it though airport security?
A: Of course.
1. Use LHC to make black hole.
2. Hide LHC in black hole.
3. Put black hole in carry on bag.
Simple.
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al-qaeda tie (Score:5, Funny)
I want an al-qaeda tie. I don’t care what colour it is, i want one!
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No need for a terrorist attack on the LHC . . . (Score:5, Funny)
. . . it seems pretty capable of breaking itself on its own, with any outside help

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A:
this theory has actually been proposed: That activating the LHC would actually destroy the universe, that is, the whole universe, even reaching back into the past. That would mean that the only possible universes are ones in which the LHC is never activated, which means that if we keep trying, implausible events will continue to occur, preventing the LHC from activating- after all, we’re here now, right. That’s _proof_ that the LHC will never be activated!

B:
| after all, we’re here now, right.
| That’s _proof_ that the LHC will never be activated!
I have a rock that keeps tigers away to sell you …

C:
| I have a rock that keeps tigers away to sell you …
Please, this is the 21st century… there’s an App for that.

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I Don’t Need Sex – The School of Engineering Fucks Me All The Time

by on Mar.17, 2009, under Leisure, Tech Junk

engineersview

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

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To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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You might be an engineer if:

1)You have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2)You enjoy pain.
3)You know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
4)You chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force”.
5)You’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
6)It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
7)You frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver”.
8)You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
9)You think in “math”.
10)You’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
(continue reading…)

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